Listen

When we moved into our neighborhood eight years ago, we had no idea we were moving next door to lovebirds. After almost 50 years of marriage, Stanley and Barbara’s passion for each other was undeniably sweet. They were not only the cutest couple, but the most inseparable. Every time we saw Stanley, there was Barbara just a few feet behind with a huge smile of adoration on her face for him or teasing words of affection. Believe me, he ate it up! And Stan loved Barb the same, always wanting to make her happy and cherishing the ground she walked on. Their lavish love for one another quickly became an inspiration to us.

Sadly, two years ago, Stanley became gravely ill, and last year he passed away. Today Barbara daily battles the pain of a broken heart. She shares, “Stanley and I never did anything apart. It’s like part of my body is missing.” In addition, Barbara has faced a national pandemic without the love of her life. I prayed for her and tried to empathize with her; but the pain of losing my mother in my youth is not the same as her tragic loss of 57 years of intimacy and oneness with the love of her life. I wondered what I could possibly do to help ease her pain?

In the New Testament, Jesus shares about a visit to the home of two sisters. Imagine having Jesus over for dinner? What would you make? Martha ran around getting everything ready. She cooked, set the table, and cleaned. Even after Jesus arrived, she greeted him and hurried off to prepare and serve a lovely meal for her Lord. Meanwhile, her sister Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and simply listened to what He had to say. She didn’t lift a finger to help! Martha’s resentment for her sister’s lack of assistance began to grow. She finally went to Jesus and complained, asking Him to tell Mary to help her. But Jesus had a different perspective. He said, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Jesus told Martha that listening to Him was better than all her busy serving. Taking time to listen was a wise choice and a better one.

Fortunately, God is abundantly patient as He teaches me what’s better. Better than any meal I could make for someone and any chore I could do, listening is a gift I often fail to consider giving. In the midst of trying to find words to comfort Barb after Stan’s death, God told me to make a u-turn and instructed me to simply listen. Listen. Listen well my child, He whispered in my ear.

Somehow in the past year, Barb has become more to me than just another friendly neighbor. Hearing my own story of loss, she promptly nicknamed herself YAM, Your Adopted Mother. Of course she called me DAD, or Dearly Adopted Daughter. This brings back her fond memories of the first man who loved her well. I’ve learned a lot from YAM. I see her daily courageous battle to continue life, while privately grieving the death of a love rarely found. I hear her begin to complain, then self-correct and talk about the things for which she’s grateful. I observe how she’s humbled herself to receive her children’s help and support. I’m aware of her intentional effort to not give into bitterness, but to forgive and love. YAM is not only my next door neighbor and friend, she is a treasured vessel God’s chosen to speak through to me.

I’m learning listening gives space for God to work. His comfort and compassion are needed more than mine. By giving my full attention to another, I unselfishly seek to understand instead of seeking to be understood. As I open my ears, my eyes see also. I learn so much more. My heart is enlarged, and I grow. Listening is the better thing we can do; it’s His love in action. It’s a gift to Him and others, but it’s also His gift to us. Will you choose to listen?